First, surrogates or aspiring surrogates, I will always begin by thanking you for all you do. Without your kindness and devotion to our intended parents, we would not be able to provide the services that we do!
To our intended parents, you represent the future of their family and so much hope. We want you to know that we understand you have a lot going on in your own family, and everything you’re doing for Little Miracles Surrogacy is extra.
Surrogacy has changed a lot over the years, and many people do not understand how it works. So how can you go about explaining what you’re doing to your friends and family? How can you prepare your friends and family?
From the start, it is your choice whether or not to tell people you are participating in a surrogacy journey. There are many tasks you well need to complete before the embryo transfer such as: paperwork, medical clearances, communication with the agency and intended parents, completion of a background check and a psychological exam. All of these things require time and energy long before the embryo transfer, and therefore long before anyone might guess that you’re pregnant. That's just one reason that it is important to prepare your friends and family.
Just like a natural pregnancy, complications are most likely to occur in the first 12 weeks or first trimester of pregnancy, so it is not uncommon for people to wait to share the excitement until after that date. However, some women begin showing a baby bump early, so you may feel that it’s easier to tell people before they start asking, especially those close to you. Early on in the journey, it is best for you to decide what kind of support you need, and who you might be leaning on for that support. If you decide to tell some people from the very beginning, think about whether you want to explain the situation multiple times or if it might be easier on you to have a small gathering and share the details once. It’s important to recognize that what you’re doing requires quite a bit of energy. Give yourself grace and try to limit stress during this time.
This may seem obvious to some, but it would be foolish not to mention that telling your significant other and your children should be something that is done as early as possible in the surrogacy process. Most likely they see you every day, and would notice your changed schedule, added appointments , etc. You may need their help administering medication, or taking care of a few extra things around the house while you are busy with appointments or talking to the intended parents. Surrogacy is a long process, and it is best to keep your immediate family completely informed of the process, and how you are doing mentally and physically. It is also very important to explain to your children that the baby or babies you will be carrying are not yours genetically. Depending on the age of your children, some of these concepts might be too advanced. Be sure to inform them to the best of your ability, and reach out if you need help! That is what we are here for!
After the first trimester, your surrogacy journey should start to feel a little more stable. At this time, as long as you, the intended parents, and the agency have no alternative prior agreements, it is appropriate for you to begin sharing your journey more publicly. Some women choose to document their journey on Facebook and/or participate in communities online or in person. Many agencies have a Facebook group for their surrogates to connect with each other as well. At Little Miracles Surrogacy, we encourage reaching out during this time to meet other women who have gone through or are currently going through the surrogacy process. We want you to have that support during your journey.
While you move through the process, explaining your journey to your friends and family can be as surface level or deep as you want.
Your comfort level is of the highest importance during this time. Don’t be afraid to share online resources if you are feeling overwhelmed by questions. Also remember that you don’t owe anybody an explanation. You are bound to run into random people commenting on your belly or asking when you’re due; you can always just answer the question without explaining that the child is not yours. Sometimes we just don’t have the energy AND THAT IS OK!
Ultimately, when you begin your surrogacy journey, you should make sure that your immediate family understands the basic process of gestational surrogacy. Beyond your immediate family, you may want to inform some of your closest friends so that your support system is aware of the upcoming changes. Remember that who you tell, and how much detail you share is always your choice, and if you feel strongly about sharing your journey on social media, you discuss that with the intended parents and agency early in the process. If you need help or support during this time, you can always look locally and online for surrogate groups, and you can certainly always contact us for advice or support.
If you have questions about becoming a surrogate, please check out our surrogate page, or contact us today! We look forward to hearing from you.
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